For the story behind this scroll down below the video.

Hey Darius, I bet you can't go live on BBC News at 11am in the morning around the United Kingdom and the entire world on BBC News 24 and claim you saw a man on a Ryanair flight take out his penis, spin it around,  and shout 'I don't care, if we crash, I have a helicopter!'. Oh how little you know me. 

On Friday evening I was driving to Blackburn for a gig, meanwhile I think, I don't know because I haven't checked, a flight departed Luton to Bratislava where it would have to take a detour to Berlin (again not sure, cos I wasn't on the flight) due to a rowdy stag party. The BBC reported on the story and at the end asked the question: Were you on the flight? Did you see what happened? Contact the BBC. Obviously I wasn't going to let something as small as actually being on the flight stop me from reporting to the BBC what I had witnessed. I immediately sent the following email:

From: darius davies
Sent: 28 February 2016 13:57
To: HaveYourSay
Subject: Ryan air Flight to Bratislava

Hi,

I was on the Ryan Air flight to Bratislava, it was a nightmare. The groom got his penis out and started spinning it around. He then said he doesn't care if the plane crashed because he had a helicopter and could save everyone. He then sat down but would sporadically get up to place his balls on the gentleman in front of him shoulder and say do you like tea. It was a terrible flight. They were very boisterous.

If you have any other questions feel free to ask me, I think I can describe the groom's penis as I saw it a lot.

Darius

To my surprise - I mean I said the dude teabagged another passenger throughout the flight - the BBC came back to me:

Hi Darius,

 Many thanks for contacting the BBC about this.

 Are you free to speak further? If so, what would be the best number on which to contact you?

 Thanks again,

Richard Irvine-Brown
BBC News Interactive

But of course I am free to talk further Richard, why not give me a call, and I'll explain what happened whilst trying my best not to laugh...here's the telephone audio.

At this point I still had not been asked where the flight flew from, flight number, where we detoured to, how long we stopped off for etc. etc. - all of which due to my lazy nature with the merest bit of probing I would have crumbled and revealed that I wasn't actually on the flight. 

I soon saw that I was being quoted on the BBC website (here) I was pretty happy with that, I'd made the news and thought well done, my story is out ....but then in the morning I got another call asking me if I'd be free to be interviewed live on TV. Finally a chance to tell my riveting tale live of how a man kept on putting his balls on the dudes shoulders in front and asking 'do you like tea' - a skype interview was arranged. 

Of course for my BBC TV debut I insisted on looking like a cross between a jihadi and Peter Sutcliff - also I couldn't see how I looked really so just went with it - hence the poor framing and only half my face in shot most of the time. Anyway here I am on BBC news explaining about the helicopter I saw. I just about managed until the last few seconds not to crack up. 

Just in case you are thinking the BBC are the only rubbish journalists out there, I was also featured in the mirror, did an interview for ITV News (tho I think they cottoned on as they called me and asked if my video was filmed in Germany, of course I said it was), and was also asked for an interview by RTL (Germany's ITV).

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